You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
