This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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