this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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