Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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