i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
