me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
