Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
