never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
