Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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