He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
