PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
