Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
