You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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