i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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