I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
