Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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