GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
