There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
