a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
