I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
