so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
