1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
