Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
