he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
