The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
