i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
