started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
