Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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