I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
