I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
