I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
