i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Found your dick twin last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
