I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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