There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
