so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
