Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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