best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
