You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
