She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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