just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
