And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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