Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
