If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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