Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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