i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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