You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
