dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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