Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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