Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
