shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
