were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
