Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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