Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
