fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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