I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
