Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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