come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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