he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
