Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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