I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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