It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
