The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
