Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
