Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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