saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to have your abortion
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
