God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
