that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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