Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
