He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
