I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
