The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
