and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
