thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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