the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
