i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
